I have learned in the short amount of time here that my soul is so completely unprepared for the challenge that is picking up one's entire life to place it in a foreign land and at the same time sustaining one's personal growth. Who was I to think I was at all capable of that? Yeah, I am endowed with the same attributes as all others, but my capacity is not at a level that can sustain this. I am seriously considering where it is best for me to be. I have so much opportunity to serve in Minnesota. Although working and career goals were completely absent there, I had so much chance to help my community. Here, I have work and great opportunity for experience in that realm, but my service is absent. What is my problem? I feel truly alone in this effort, I am not connected to my community, simply because I am a foreigner and I know no one and no one wants anything to do with me because I am an American woman. I starting to understand I chose the wrong place to be. Time to go home? I don't want to give up that easily, but I want to see the confirmation. I think I am ok with leaving if that is what I'm suppose to do, but I don't want to... learning detachment is my biggest challenge.
I know it is not at all the Baha'is here responsibility to tell me when feast is or where it is... but I seemed to have missed it. I e-mailed the one Baha'i I have an e-mail for to attempt to get in contact with one from my area, no response. The other Baha'i I know, who also knew I moved to a different area didn't know who I should have contacted either. Maybe it's time I really get motivated to meet some Baha'is here. But I feel like I don't know where to start. Religious freedom is something I think about daily. Jordan is very tolerant in general, but I'm not allowed to take off work for the Anniversary of the Birth of the Bab because I'm still in my probationary period for work. Yet, I am allowed 1.5 hrs a day unpaid leave if I want it. I don't quite understand, but regardless it really saddens my heart. It also makes me realize how much potential there is in America. Hey, American Baha'is you are blessed! Please run like the wind with your opportunity! It's so great a gift!
I think in the end, I need to put a time limit on my stay in Jordan. This way I can establish goals and have the hope of returning home to a place I truly love and feel I can prosper in.
O SON OF LOVE! Thou art but one step away from the glorious heights above and from the celestial tree of love. Take thou one pace and with the next advance into the immortal realm and enter the pavilion of eternity. Give ear then to that which hath been revealed by the pen of glory.
ReplyDeleteO SON OF MAN! Should prosperity befall thee, rejoice not, and should abasement come upon thee, grieve not, for both shall pass away and be no more.
O FLEETING SHADOW! Pass beyond the baser stages of doubt and rise to the exalted heights of certainty. Open the eye of truth, that thou mayest behold the veilless Beauty and exclaim: Hallowed be the Lord, the most excellent of all creators!
O SON OF MY HANDMAID! Guidance hath ever been given by words, and now it is given by deeds. Every one must show forth deeds that are pure and holy, for words are the property of all alike, whereas such deeds as these belong only to Our loved ones. Strive then with heart and soul to distinguish yourselves by your deeds. In this wise We counsel you in this holy and resplendent tablet.
O MY SERVANTS! Ye are the trees of My garden; ye must give forth goodly and wondrous fruits, that ye yourselves and others may profit therefrom. Thus it is incumbent on every one to engage in crafts and professions, for therein lies the secret of wealth, O men of understanding! For results depend upon means, and the grace of God shall be all-sufficient unto you. Trees that yield no fruit have been and will ever be for the fire.
The mystic and wondrous Bride, hidden ere this beneath the veiling of utterance, hath now, by the grace of God and His divine favor, been made manifest even as the resplendent light shed by the beauty of the Beloved. I bear witness, O friends! that the favor is complete, the argument fulfilled, the proof manifest and the evidence established. Let it now be seen what your endeavors in the path of detachment will reveal. In this wise hath the divine favor been fully vouchsafed unto you and unto them that are in heaven and on earth. All praise to God, the Lord of all Worlds.