The Emotional Divide

As I look at my empty shearling slippers under my vanity, I think about where they came from.  A holiday sale at an Eddie Bauer store in Des Moines, Iowa, USA.  Wow, I have definitely come a long way from there as the start of engagement plans enters my vocabulary.  I think to myself, "If I am dating an Palestinian-Muslim guy now, my dad can't be so mad if he seemed totally OK with me dating a 8 years older divorcee".  I was too young then to truly to understand the reality of the situation.  So, how can I even fathom to understand the reality of my situation now?

Hindsight is 20/20.  You can always look back and understand better the world than you ever could when you're actually there, living it.  Was going to university my first year out of high school the best idea? No. Was going to Chicago that first year and spending way too much in borrowed money a good idea? No.  Was taking 5 years to graduate with a BA a good idea? No. Was dating those guys, falling in and out of love, and having a long distance romance a good idea? No.  I could say all these things were not good ideas, but in the end did they give me indispensable knowledge to make me a better human being? Yes.

A few close people to me would probably not like that I am writing about my relationships or romance on a blog. Yet,at the end of the day this is a part of who I am and how I grew to be me.  Love isn't just about calling your crush on the phone when you're 16 and hanging up when he says hello.  It's about the trial and error to know what you think love and commitment means at age 16, 19, 21, and again at 23 - and it doesn't end there. Yes, I'm still amazingly young, but I'm also just plain amazing.  I think I should be looked at as a beautiful, intellectual and rational young woman instead of a "watch your back" fragile feminine creature.  It's important to know that experiences teach.  It allows for the opportunity to grow and learn, without them it's near impossible for me to express my opinions or feelings in an elevated matter.

I am thankful for my education in understanding and my ever growing knowledge that is deepened by experience and study.  But emotions are not something you can comprehend through reading, you need to feel them, react to them, move past them.  It is about interaction.  I ask this question to myself a lot while living in the Middle East, "How can women and men expect to build a society of equality, progress and justice when most of their lives are still lived separately?" And I sit and ponder without ever coming up with a decent enough explanation.  I think it takes far longer than I think to create an answer for that one.