Friend, Foe, or Family?

Do I dare allow my blog to venture into the realm of relationships and love?  I'm somewhat hesitant to do this, but at the same time I think it's important to explore what friendships, relationships, and family means to me in Jordan.

Let's start with family.
Family is the cornerstone to Jordanian society. Family loyalty is number one, family names define a person (sadly most of the time it is more important than actions or education), and if your mama, cousin, or uncle calls you and asks to go to Madaba to go to that supermarket next to Abu Zaid's dry cleaners to get him the laban he likes, you better damn well do it.

I have no blood relation here in Jordan. That makes me the new kid in the lunchroom, wide-eyed looking for a table to sit at but ends up at the one by the window so she doesn't have to look at anyone. I am a loner.  I don't have a default back-up.  I don't have the person to call to bail me out of jail (Ha! That would never happen because I could just smile and bat my pretty green eyes at the police officer right?).  I don't have a person to go to Madaba to get me the laban I like!

Sometimes this makes me think that marrying into this culture would save me a lot of hassle. And the fact that just about every other 23 year old girl is married in Jordan, makes me think it's an ok idea until... I REALIZE I CAN'T EVEN RENT A CAR IN THE USA AT THIS AGE! But really, that longing for that family is so strong, so apparently missing.

Next, friendships.
Friendships in Jordan are generally sexist.  Girls are friends publicly with girls and guys are publicly friends with guys.  There is some cross over but this usually only happens with foreigners and in university... outside in general society it's less popular, except in some areas of West Amman.  This just straight up, Bums. Me. Out. I always had a large group of both female and male friends, since like forever.

In fact, I treasure my friendships with "the guys" - although watching hours of Halo in the basement of my friend's parent's house when I was 15 sounded really awesome then, it's not so appealing at 23.  Regardless, watching Sunday afternoon American football, heading to the Twins stadium and sitting around a fire in the backyard with my guy friends are fond memories that I could not see my life without.  My heart breaks a little bit each time I think that going to my favorite coffee shop in Riverside neighborhood alone with my spiritual brother would be "haram" in most places in Amman.

I might be stubborn, but I am not willing to give up my guy friendships here in Amman either.  Some of the best advice I have received about living here was from my "brothers".  And without them I wouldn't have water, signed a lease, or got my visa extended - so hamdulillah for the boys in my life!  I try to abide by cultural norms to a reasonable degree and take the sensitivity of the situation into serious consideration, but equality is necessary.  If I can use my foreign identity to try and make friendships in my life equal, then I am going to do that.

Oh the taboo of this one: relationships.
I think I have come realize this will need an entire post for itself and deep consideration on how in the world I am going to word the entire idea. To be continued...