Difficult Expression

I just need to clear my head. So, through the inspiration of an amazing lyricist, Grieves, I decided to explore a more rhythmic way of writing.  I'm also brought back to the beautiful poetry of a dear friend, Mary Barghout.  She truly is one of the most amazing souls I have ever met.  The following poem was sent to me via e-mail in early March 2011 after the revolution in Egypt.  I hope that with some honest effort I could write like she does one day.

Egypt as defined by American viewers

You are only what I want from you.

You are only the trinkets
I want to buy.
So present me with icons and
historic materials.

You are only the history
that sparks my interest.
So delight me with
gold and Pharaohs.

You are only valube
when you hold my esteem.

You are only present
when I think of you.
Your Cairo only exists when
I watch news of you.

You are simple because
I do not want
to have to
contemplate your complexities.

You are
because  I am there to witness.

You are for me to sample
you are for me to judge
you are for me to complement
or to disengage.

You give me visual stimulus
Pyramids and comely women
so I can give you funding.

The nile flowed into the world,
so I could rent a felucca to
ride in.

You are the spectacle
I am the audience.

I am therefore, you are.

You are finished when I
stop paying attention.

Maybe my glance will shift now.
and by my looking I will create

Ghana,
Sudan,
Libya.

They cannot be, unless I create them.

Bittersweet

So, this video has stimulated a lot of feelings inside me. Some incredibly awesome and others not so enjoyable. I know you all may think I'm soul-less if I said that one second of this intensely adorable wedding could make me feel bad, but why not watch the twelve and a half minutes (which is all completely 100% true and not acted out in anyway) and then listen to my explanation.

A little background info... this is a friend of a friend of a friend's wedding.  The couple are each Baha'i and the beautiful writings that were read and the prayers that were sung (which can be found in the full version of their wedding video which includes the ceremony) are from the Baha'i Writings. The single vow to be officially married in the Baha'i Faith is, 

We will all, verily, abide by the Will of God.

I'm sure I could write an entire post on that sentence alone, but for today I will only leave a short thought. Those words are a wonderful promise that makes a relationship so inline with God's path, and not your own, that if your intentions are pure and you pour all of your soul into those words, your marriage can be nothing but blessed.

It was a dear friend of mine along with her darling/somewhat strange fascination with it's beauty, who shared this video with me.  But when I watched it, I couldn't take it all in, it was all just too much. Too much happy.  I felt overwhelmed and a little bit jealous and most of all confused.  Why can something so beautiful stir up such intense feelings? I have felt like marriage as been appearing in almost everything around me.  My friends and their stories about themselves and their friends, pictures and posts on Facebook, television, movies, music, my age and that "stage" in life... EVERYTHING. All in all, personally I love the idea of marriage, the eternal partnership that you have with someone, a bond that is like no other, the bud of a new family on that ridiculously large redwood of life.

But, why the feelings of discontent?  This is still a blurry mystery to me. However, I spoke about some of these awkward emotions with my other half and I gotta say that he really helped me sort some things out.  In the end, I think that if you find nothing but encouragement and patience from the one you love, you most definitely can actively strive together for a lifetime.