in·spi·ra·tion (as Merriam-Webster defines it)
1 a : a divine influence or action on a person believed to qualify him or her to receive and communicate sacred revelation b : the action or power of moving the intellect or emotions c : the act of influencing or suggesting opinions
2 : the act of drawing in; specifically : the drawing of air into the lungs
That word is a lot bigger than I thought. Intellect. Drawing in. Emotions. Sacred. Influence. Ok, ok, I gotta break this down for a moment. Let's look at this on part that really caught my attention:
"2 : the act of drawing in; specifically : the drawing of air into the lungs"You gotta draw in air to breathe, you gotta breathe to live, you got to be inspired to make it worth something. The act of inspiration allows your lungs to function. To do what they were made to do. So this brings me to think, am I ready to be inspired to do what I was made to do? Am I ready to do that "action or power of moving the intellect or emotion"? This comes full circle in my mind with my original dilemma of what the heck am I supposed to be doing here on Earth. What in the world is that action I should be doing or power I possess to move intellect? INTELLECT! How am I supposed to influence moving my intellect, others' intellect, a community's intellect?
I think the answer is that I'm not supposed to know. I'm not supposed to go out and just starting influencing people's attitudes, actions, thoughts or feelings. That's what crazy cult people do. Schemers. Living in this world is not about that. It's about building a global community larger than one's self, yet as personable as one's block, apartment building, or classroom. I think just being a smiling face in the sky way, bus or sidewalk does a lot more for the world than tweeting, listening to hip-hop, or protesting for social change.
I know that I get caught up in the urgency of it all. I'm only 24 years old, but I feel immense pressure to have a career started, a plan laid out, a potential husband and a savings account. Although I would love to have all of those things, that just isn't in the cards for me right now. The most confusing of it all is that I don't know where in the world is that pressure coming from? Me? Culture? Family? It may be different for everyone, but amongst most of my friends my age, I hear this a lot. It's not usually to get married, but all my girlfriends feel like they should be in a relationship and if they aren't, they are apparently some old hag. If I live at home without a full-time job (regardless of my efforts to try to get accepted to a Masters program), I am labeled as a useless citizen that is just plain lazy. It's a lot to process.
So, where is my inspiration? What is assisting me to draw in air? What is moving my intellect and emotions? Although, most days I'm totally clueless as to the answers of these questions, I'm sure that prayer would be a productive way to find out. Although, most of the time I turn to hip-hop and find the lyrics to be the anthem of my day. This one has proven to be a reoccurring favorite of my days for many reasons. But mostly it makes me feel as if I could achieve something no matter how mediocre I feel.