Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Winter? You can go knock on someone else's door!

The sun is shining! Finally, the first sunshine I've seen in the last 36 hours and it brings me utter joy. Such a simple pleasure like the sun sometimes gets forgotten as the temperatures drop. Yet, I know that every Minnesotan out there does not take it for granted. We wait those six months of winter to melt away just to show us what beauty truly means. The green grass, warm lake shore sand, tall thick trees and moist summer air are all truly heavenly.

Today's high temperature was just about the lowest temperature I had to face last winter in Jordan. I can tell you right now that I am not looking forward to the frozen tundra, ass-freezing temperatures, and mountains of parking lot snow that will be coming this winter. The lack of sunlight and even further lack of vitamin D will probably break me down even further than the constant stress I had to endure of continous culture shock. But let's hope I built up some strength over the last year.

I think that with all the lessons I have learned, all the coping mechanisms I have developed and all the good hearted family and friends near me, that this winter will not even phase me. I am ready to take this God given challenge head on. 100%. No failing, hopefully minimal "learning" in respects to slipping up and maximum learning in respects to effing conquering it all!

So here's to encouraging one another and loving all those who cross your path!

Saturday, October 15, 2011

It's been one year and...

I feel as if nothing has changed. My life is just like a set of revolving doors that hate to be the ones the harsh winds and weather of the outside. Ever turning to get to sit in the warmth and light of the decorated interior of some over rated venue. Instead of it being some elegant department store or decedent restaurant, I'm talking about my heart and soul.

One year ago today I began this blog with the hopes it would somehow guide me through a journey I knew words would never suffice to describe. Although I would simply call it "word puke", others may argue it's public therapy to an unknown audience. I honestly see it as mostly whining. But it has done something to help me understand who I am including my faults, failures and sometimes bold strengths. I understand what it means to live a bit better and I really do mean only a smudge more of comprehension. And if nothing else, it has helped me to vastly improve my writing.

Yet, as I write this post the only thing on my mind is the tangling, frustrating bundle of emotions stuck in my chest that I wish someone could just rip out and toss away. I had to tell a dear, wonderful, close friend that we should sever ties. It was someone who helped me through the toughest times I ever had; most of which are described on this blog. It was a "make good choices" sort of decision. Something that if my heart had to decide, it would have chose something very different. Near nothing can rid this feeling and most certainly I am being incredibly too dramatic about it. But this is my character, this is what I do. I dwell. If there was a Nobel Prize in dwelling I'd be nominated and presented with the honor ten times over again.

So, although I know it's time to turn a page and make this blog into a more encouraging and empowering environment, today just can't be that day. Allow me to pledge that tomorrow is the beginning of my second year of vocab vomit. This one will be one that sees the sunnier side of this thing we call life and what I like to call "learning".