Saturday, October 15, 2011

It's been one year and...

I feel as if nothing has changed. My life is just like a set of revolving doors that hate to be the ones the harsh winds and weather of the outside. Ever turning to get to sit in the warmth and light of the decorated interior of some over rated venue. Instead of it being some elegant department store or decedent restaurant, I'm talking about my heart and soul.

One year ago today I began this blog with the hopes it would somehow guide me through a journey I knew words would never suffice to describe. Although I would simply call it "word puke", others may argue it's public therapy to an unknown audience. I honestly see it as mostly whining. But it has done something to help me understand who I am including my faults, failures and sometimes bold strengths. I understand what it means to live a bit better and I really do mean only a smudge more of comprehension. And if nothing else, it has helped me to vastly improve my writing.

Yet, as I write this post the only thing on my mind is the tangling, frustrating bundle of emotions stuck in my chest that I wish someone could just rip out and toss away. I had to tell a dear, wonderful, close friend that we should sever ties. It was someone who helped me through the toughest times I ever had; most of which are described on this blog. It was a "make good choices" sort of decision. Something that if my heart had to decide, it would have chose something very different. Near nothing can rid this feeling and most certainly I am being incredibly too dramatic about it. But this is my character, this is what I do. I dwell. If there was a Nobel Prize in dwelling I'd be nominated and presented with the honor ten times over again.

So, although I know it's time to turn a page and make this blog into a more encouraging and empowering environment, today just can't be that day. Allow me to pledge that tomorrow is the beginning of my second year of vocab vomit. This one will be one that sees the sunnier side of this thing we call life and what I like to call "learning".

No comments:

Post a Comment